|| Hari Om ||

 

Balance

 

In recent years, everything has changed. The Covid-19 pandemic has knocked the world askew; forced us to change our fixed perceptions. The world we see now is an ever-changing kaleidoscope and we are only a single headline away from the glass shattering and rearranging itself into a completely different pattern. It’s a lot to cope with.   

As a resident doctor, I know that these times have been particularly harrowing for us. Social media has been awash with stories of despair and darkness. All of these are true: we have all lived some part of them ourselves.

 

However, darkness is never dispelled by fighting against it. The least we can do is light a little lamp for ourselves and keep the flame burning through the stormy winds of change.

Easier said than done? Definitely! But I’m sailing in the same boat as you, and every journey starts the same, with a single step forward.

 

Dear reader, I request you to take a moment with me here. Close your eyes. Look back to the time you committed yourself to this noble profession. A time of innocence, before the harsh realities of the world tainted our vision with cynicism. Before fatigue dulled that inner spark into a mere ember. Even in the darkest of times, that little part of your soul is still hidden somewhere in the recesses of your mind, waiting to be found; waiting to be remembered. ✨

 

Start from here. Now look around and see what else it was that made you who you are. Little pieces of yourself that have drifted away in the tides of academics, the pressures of work and entrance exams.  We have all left bits and pieces of ourselves behind on our journeys so far. Some of them may be worth retrieving; some may have been replaced by pieces that fit even better. The completed puzzle may not look like what you imagined. Is that always a bad thing?

 

Deep down, we all know where the key pieces fit. The parts that make us who we are. These little cog wheels keep the machine that is human life running smoothly.

Like any machine, these too need maintenance. So, give yourself a little time to cool down, to tend to the parts that are a little noisy or aren’t running as smoothly as they should.

Find Solace in the things that matter to You the most, whatever they may be. The company of your loved ones, the countless teas and coffees shared with friends; in poetry, music, sport, art; whatever it is that oils your gears and keeps them running smoothly.

 

We keep reading about doctors, who were artists, who were writers, who were musicians: always in the past tense. True, the medical field (and honestly, any field for that matter) demands a lot of sacrifice. 

But at the end of the day, is it worth losing your ‘self’ to achieve your goals?

 

I have been a writer since a while and have been dabbling in music and art through the course of my Internal Medicine (& now Oncology) residency.

I often face the question “Time kahan se mila?” (How did you get the time?). A valid question if there ever was one! 

 

For me, the answer is as simple as it is complex. Balance starts with having realistic expectations. I know my workload, and I (usually) have a predictable schedule, hectic as it may be. If I stop to think about it, I know that somewhere, somehow, I can carve out a few minutes for the things I love. True, I may not get 6 hours at a stretch to complete a painting, If I were to set that target, my relaxation would become as much of a stressor as my work!

The point is, nothing is holding me back from giving 15-20mins scattered over many days.

There have honestly been times I have picked up my violin after a gap of 2 months, and the sounds produced were so awful that I was all but ready to quit. However, here also, keeping expectations real is a big help. No one becomes a maestro overnight, whether at Medicine or instrumental music. 

The scratchy sounds and shrill wrong notes are equally a part of the journey as the glory of performing on stage.

 

Do not be afraid to try something new. Do not be afraid to fall frequently and repeatedly. At the end of the day, balance is not about impressing a crowd of thousands. It is about picking yourself up and keeping that fire burning inside.

 

Am I writing to show off? Does my ongoing pursuit of my hobbies with my work make me superhuman? Not at all. Quite the contrary.

I am writing to highlight that I have struggled as much as the next person. Finding balance and stability in life is a dynamic and ongoing process, through all the ebbs and flows of the currents of life. New obstacles and challenges always arise to tip the scale, and effort must be taken each time to restore the equilibrium.

We all face our own moments of darkness. Its just that they aren’t advertised to the world and put on public display.

 

I have been very blessed throughout my life to have the spiritual and indeed practical life-guidance from my Sadguru, Aniruddha Bapu (Dr Aniruddha Joshi).

A beautiful point he made in one of His discourses comes to mind here(paraphrased):

“What we see of other people’s lives is a movie, with lots of takes and retakes. We do not know what goes on behind the scenes.”  

This is so true. It is important that when we draw inspiration from others, we do not pressurize ourselves by comparing our real lives to the movies that we are watching of their lives. Draw warmth from the light, but do not get blinded by it!

 

Finding that balance in life is a dynamic process of remodeling, every obstacle teaching something new, moving us a little further along the path He has laid out for us.

 

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend which refreshed my perspective. She had recently secured admission to a coveted Super-specialty course at a top-notch institute. She was on the way to starting a new chapter in her story. Forever the champion of extra-curricular activities, I wrote her a card saying,” I hope you find time for your hobbies and the things you love”

 

Her reply was simple,” I love my work, that is also something I am doing for myself! “ 

Such a beautiful thought. Our work is not I competition with the rest of our lives. It is something beautiful, something to be cherished, with new learning and growth every day. 

 

It is not an ongoing tug of war between our work and our hobbies, not unless we make it so!

It is more like a seesaw, with changing weights on either side. There will be ups and downs, but in the moments that you manage to strike a balance, you will experience true weightlessness, as your soul remembers itself and soars, as it is meant to soar.

 

It may be your most exhausting and sleepless week, but sometimes all it takes is a single smile from a patient, a single word of gratitude and kindness. Suddenly, the world seems bright again.

 

An older blog post I had written on work-life balance:

https://arnavht.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-doctors-soul_27.html

My older blog posts are listed at the top of the page.
If you liked this, do read the others too!

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-Dr Arnav H. Tongaonkar ( DrArnavMHT) 

Senior Resident, Medical Oncology

Tata Memorial Hospital, 

Mumbai

 8/1/22

|| Shree Ram ||   || Ambadnya ||  || Naathsanvidh ||