Kaleidoscope: Broken pieces can make a beautiful picture

 || Hari Om ||

For those of you who do not know me personally, a brief introduction:

 I have completed my MD in General Medicine from KEM Hospital.

I joined Tata Memorial Centre, Mumbai as a Senior Resident in Medical Oncology in December 2020.

This is a collection of my thoughts and feelings that I have imbibed in my Oncology residency. This is a branch that not many are ready to step into. A branch everyone, patients and doctors alike, associates with suffering. But where there is suffering, there is hope. And in the midst of darkness, we appreciate the light even more.

Kaleidoscope: Broken pieces make a beautiful picture

Working in the medical field for more than 5 years now,  and particularly in the last few years, working in oncology, I have got an insight into how fragile our lives really are. We live in bubbles, secure in our own illusions. A feeling that things will always be the same. It is not always so. We are all just a word, a sentence or phone call away from the bubble bursting. The picture-frame shattering into a thousand shards; jumbled pieces that may never be the same again.

This is true for all of us, whether we see it or not. And getting diagnosed with a medical problem, particularly something that sounds as scary as “cancer” can shake the very foundations of a person’s life. I have seen that happening, I see it every day. But I do not write this to spread despair or sorrow. No, I write this, because even where I saw darkness and suffering in patients’ lives, they showed me so many ways in which they find joy and light for themselves. 

 

 

They picked up the broken pieces of their lives, accepted them and rearranged them till the picture was bright again. Till the cracks arranged themselves into the intricate patterns of snowflakes, and light could shine through. A thousand different colours, a changing picture with just a small shift of perspective. Like a kaleidoscope. And those that try to find the light for themselves, add a bit of light and colour wherever they go.

 

 

 

 It's not that I feel that just positive thinking is enough to cure or heal, not at all. All I feel is that a touch of positivity makes everything easier. That applies to all our lives, not just for those who are ill.

I would like to quote a patient of mine here. She was under treatment for a stage of her disease that would essentially require her to be on some form of chemotherapy life-long. She was already a few years along in her treatment when I met her. By this time, many people are (understandably) tired of visiting the hospital some 2-3 times a month, and fed up of the constraints that puts on their lives. Not this lady, not at all.  Her energy and enthusiasm exceeded that of even the doctors. We looked more-unwell than her! I asked her the secret to her spark. She told me her very simple philosophy. “The hospital is my temple. I visit it once a month, to get my life extended by another month. That is God’s blessing.”

I was stunned. She had turned her chemotherapy into a pilgrimage, something she actually looked forward to. She had looked past all calculations of life-expectancy and was just living her life for all it was worth. She opened my eyes to a new perspective about my work too. I was a priest now. A priest in the Temple of Life. I counted my blessings a little more that day. 

Very often, we allow our work and life stressors to get us down. I know it happens to all of us. And I have always found that when my own flame is burning a little low, God sends me an Angel. By this, I mean that He sends someone into my life that is so full of warmth and light, that I remember to try to be that way too.  I have met a lot of patients and even their relatives who have changed my way of thinking. I recently met a young lady who is pursuing her own medical residency after completing her Cancer therapy. She had enough light and energy in her to power the electrical fittings in the room. We could have probably asked her to step in as a back-up generator in the event of a power outage.

She was admitted in our ward for fever. And each time her fever dropped a little below 100F and she felt just a bit better, she would walk around and talk to the other patients, to tell them of her struggles, the things she has overcome; that they would make it too. In the short time that she was in the ward, the other patients, and even this doctor (me), felt just a little bit brighter. Just a little bit happier. “Just a little bit” is a lot.

Hair-loss is something that has a really strong psychological impact on the patients. Its something that doctors know will happen, but we are not the ones who have to live with it. In this context, I came across the heart-warming tale of 2 sisters, one of them planned for a cancer therapy. As soon as the diagnosis was made, the other sister got her own hair cut short.  They faced it together. She shared her experience with another one of our patients who was a bit upset at the time, hurting from the loss of her hair. And after they talked, I saw that child smile, really smile, for the first time in so many days. It was beautiful.

It is very easy to lose sight of that which kept keeps us going. We all carry our own burdens, and it is definitely important to shoulder these as well. But if we can carry them without losing sight of the little joys in life, the little things that make us who we are, I think we could walk a great deal further.

A particular event stands out in my mind. I remember that I had a night duty that day.  I was tired. I was stressed about something ( we are always stressed about something, it’s a matter of degree). In fact, I had a truck-load of pending submissions. So I geared up to try and finish some work while I could.

I entered the patients’ room to just see that everyone was okay. To my surprise, I found the room alive with singing and laughter. The 4 patients in the room were playing “Antakshari.” It sounds fictional even as I write it now. I felt as if I’d walked into a scene from a movie. I was happy to see them having fun, but I was a bit worried that my presence would dampen the mood. I tried to beat a hasty exit.  It was not to be. Their ring-leader, the one who had started this Antakshari business in the first place, called me back in and asked me to join in as well! I couldn’t exactly say no, so I joined in; shyly at first, then with an enthusiasm to match my friends in the room. See, I said friend. I entered the room as their doctor, and left as their friend. We sang together for almost an hour that day. And somewhere, a little piece of my soul was renewed that night. The pending work also went much better, and all the weight on my shoulders felt so much lighter.

So it is for all of us. We all face these times when the world tilts on its axis and it seems like things will never be the same again. In those times, we need our Faith the most. We may be able to see only a jumble of pieces, a mess where nothing makes sense. Sometimes, the pattern is not for us to see. God’s Hand is at work.  Transforming those broken pieces into a beautiful mosaic, His masterpiece. His Plan will always prevail. We just need to open our eyes to see. 

 

 

 

Even in the darkest of the times, the Sun always rises again. And while we wait for the sunrise, It helps to light a little candle for ourselves, for those around us, so that the path becomes visible again. If we can give a little joy and add a little colour to lives we touch, this world will be a more beautiful place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My older blog posts are listed at the top of the page.
If you liked this, do read the others too!

 

||Shree Ram||

|| Ambadnya ||

|| Naathsanvidh ||

 -Dr Arnav H. Tongaonkar ( DrArnavMHT)

26.3.23